Sunday, June 19, 2016

Essay: Easing angst behind the wheel

The taste of the bitter winter atmosphere mixed with the sweet smell of the holidays overwhelms me. I open my driver side door and the stale air trapped by the windows that don’t open rushes out. A fern green 2000 Honda Civic named Lois has been waiting patiently, with the reflections of nearby trees skewed in her glossy chassis like the image of clouds in a crystal clear lake. While I sink into the soft gray interior, I grip the frigid steering wheel in preparation for a joy ride with my best friend, a bearded Labrador terrier named Denvour.
All anxiety evaporates from my muscles when I put the key in the ignition and place my foot on the clutch; the stresses of adolescent life seem to melt away with the prospect of a late afternoon jaunt. I turn on the indifferently dim lights and gingerly turn my head to back out of the driveway, while piles of shoes and clothes catch my eye in the too-small back seat
 Though I wish to smell only the vanilla air freshener that I had previously placed next to me, the light stench of dog invades my nostrils. Denvour glances over at me, waiting for the window to roll down. She is dreaming of warmer times when her head would protrude from the car, tongue out and ears blown straight back with the wind. Occasionally, her front paws would reach the window as she pushed life’s boundaries – as well as her upper body – to the maximum. However, a layer of translucent frost envelops the car, sending shivers down my spine.
            I scrutinize the straight road ahead with its two perfectly parallel yellow lines. I’m not exactly sure where I’m going but that is not the point; I don’t need to know. I will simply take each turn as it comes, right then left. Thoughts overwhelm me as my mind wanders, recalling specific moments and replaying them. Twenty of my favorite songs whirl through the seven-foot space and the muffled bass thumps to the beat of my heart when it races through excitement, hurt, anger. The car’s low groan matches mine as we slow to a stop at a traffic light and my skin is warmed by beams of sunlight breaking through the glass. My ears are awash with the soft breath of Denvour as she rests back into the seat in a moment of relaxation. I let my foot off the clutch too quickly and the car leaps forward like a prize-winning steed. “Oops”, I whisper under my breath as I chuckle at my own mistake and regain composure. The jumps caused my worn tires to spin and I almost fishtail into the other lane. Luckily, I’m able to reverse the impending spin and continue along Main Street unscathed.
            I'm compelled to stop at Dunkin Donuts for fresh, steaming coffee and a munchkin for the mutt. Warm Columbian flavor hits my tongue in small splashes, teasing my taste buds. The smell of java mixed with the dry heated air brings daydreams of Christmas morning. I tune in to the local 24-hour holiday radio station, crank up the volume, and sing ostentatiously.
            As the world around me is transforms into darkness and the hour approaches supper, I’m aware that it is time to return to reality. I reach my parking spot in the drive and turn down the music in preparation to tuck Lois in for the night. Denvour hops to the ground and prances to the back door while I wave goodbye and am given a disguised salutation, a delicate beep as the doors lock.

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